


Never Play Among Us With Two Lawyers, A Private Detective, And A Police Lieutenant (it won't end well for your receptionist)

by Only_In_December



Category: Perry Mason - All Media Types
Genre: "That's my child Hamilton" may just be the best line I've ever written, Among Us, Crack?, Gen, Gertie always dies first, Goofy - Freeform, Hamilton is new to the game, In case that wasn't already obvious, Is this crack?, Lighthearted, Modern AU, Non-covid modern AU, Paul is the most efficiently deadly Impostor, Perry hates that he can never catch them both at the same time, and so does not understand all the rules, be afraid when Della and Paul are teamed up as Impostors, every time, it's just the Perry Mason gang playing among us, loosely based on my own experiences playing the game., playing Among Us, they play among us, they will win when together, very loosely
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:20:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27447013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Only_In_December/pseuds/Only_In_December
Summary: Burger plays Among Us with Mason, Drake, Miss Street, Lt. Tragg, and Gertie (Mason's receptionist.) Hijinx ensue.
Kudos: 3





	1. The Game Begins!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Deaths_mortal_enemy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deaths_mortal_enemy/gifts).



> This is what happens when I'm left to come up with things on my own.

Hamilton wondered to himself how he got here. Sitting in a room with Mason, Miss Street, Drake, Lt. Tragg, and Mason’s receptionist (Gertrude? Genevieve? Something with a ‘G’.) preparing to play that online game, Among Us. More than how he got to this point though, he wondered why they had to play in  _ Mason’s office.  _ “I don’t understand why we all have to be here. It is an  _ online _ game.” Hamilton complained.

“Because.” Drake smirked from where he was draped over the futon, “Perry goes full on prosecutor during discussion time. That means it’s  _ always _ easier to do this in person.”

“Besides Hamilton, you did agree to be here.” Miss Street pointed out. She and Drake shared a look. Hamilton didn’t like that look.

“Why am I here.” Hamilton asked himself under his breath. “Okay. How do you play this exactly?” He asked the room at large.

“Hammy! Are you saying that you’ve never played?” Drake almost sat up properly in shock.

“Deb downloaded the game on my phone a few weeks ago. I just haven’t played it yet.” Hamilton shrugged. “So, I’ll ask again. How do you play exactly?”

“I’ll help!” G (Mason’s receptionist) offered. She walked over to Hamilton. “Okay. Do you have your name and skin set?”

“Yes. Deb took care of that. I have no clue how to change it though, and I don’t care either.” Hamilton said with a slight shrug.

“Oh. Well, I’ll show you later if you want. Paul are you hosting again?” She asked chipperly.

“Always Gertie.  _ Always _ .” Drake gave another winning grin. “The code is DJZQXL.”

“Okay, you enter the code here.” Gertie pointed at Hamilton’s screen. “Just type in the letters like he said. DJZQXL. Okay. There you go!”

“Thank you, Miss...?” Hamilton realized that he didn’t know the girl’s name.

“Gertie is fine, Mr. Burger.” She grinned. She seemed like a sweet girl.

“In that case, call me Hamilton.” He returned. Gertie then looked at her own phone and began giggling.

“Are you sure you don’t want to change your look there HamiltonB?” She asked through her giggles. Hamilton looked down, and sighed. His little character was white, and wearing a flower on it’s head. Of course that’s what Deb set it as.

“No. It’s fine. I don’t really care.” Hamilton sighed. He watched as everyone else arrived at the game.

“Who’s who?” He asked as everyone began milling around, usernames practically blurring together.

“Paul’s ‘PaulDrkePI’.” Drake was green wearing a matching hat. “Perry’s ‘PerryMason’.” Mason was cyan wearing some ridiculous hat, with a smaller hatless version following him around. “Della’s ‘On The St’.” She was red, wearing a cherry on her head. “Lieutenant Tragg is ‘ArtieTragg’.” Tragg was black, wearing a matching hat. “And I’m ‘BerryNice’.” Gertie was pink, with a plant stem on the top of her head.

“Mason. What is that  _ thing _ following you around?” Hamilton was beyond confused by this game already, and it hadn’t even really started yet.

“That’s my child Hamilton.” Mason didn’t look up, and his tone was even, as if he had stated the time or the weather outside. Man this was a weird game.

“Okay Paul. Go ahead and start.” Miss Street said with a small wave of her hand.

“Alright Della. Remember everyone, no talking unless there’s a meeting called, or a body reported. If you’re killed, no saying who killed you. Use the ghost chat if you want to trash talk the Impostor.  _ Gerite _ .” Paul gave the receptionist a pointed look. A countdown appeared on the screen, and everyone slowly stopped their soft chatter.

**_‘SHH’ Crewmate There is one Impostor Among Us._ ** Hamilton looked at his screen. Gertie leaned over, and whispered in his ear.

“You’ll have a taskbar on the top lefthand corner of your screen. All you need to do, is complete those tasks, and don’t get killed.” She made a point to not look at his screen.

“Okay. Thank you Gertie.” He replied. He moved his little guy around looking for the ‘admin’ so he could ‘swipe card’.

  
  


A couple minutes later, Hamilton had just figured out how to ‘calibrate distributor’ in ‘electrical’, when suddenly,  **_“DEAD BODY REPORTED”_ ** flashed across the screen, showing a little pink character dead.  **_“DISCUSS”_ ** Hamilton looked up, slightly confused. “Alright!? Who killed Gertie!” Della looked annoyed more than angry.

“Finally! Took you long enough to notice!” Gertie exclaimed, from right next to Hamilton.

“Gertie. Ghost chat sass only.” Drake put a finger to his lips. “You’re dead.”

“Okay. Della, where did you find the body?” Mason set his phone on his desk, and steepled his fingers, looking intently at Miss Street.

“She was in navigation. Right next to a vent. I’m thinking a vent kill.” Della said thoughtfully.

“Speculation. Facts only if you please.” Hamilton put in without really thinking. “You were in navigation and found Gertie dead on a vent.”

“Hammy. The game is _ all about  _ speculation. Honestly. Between you and Perry, we’re in for a  _ long _ game.” Drake sighed heavily, lounging even farther into his seat as if defeated by a heavy blow.

“Fine. Miss Street, did you pass anyone that looked like they were running away from the body at any point?” Hamilton asked, turning back to Della.

“No. No one looked suspicious to me. I think we should skip for now.” Della responded with a small shrug. Gertie was typing something furiously on her phone, looking more than a little perturbed with the game. Hamilton looked down at his phone again.

“How do I skip?” He asked, looking for the right button. Gertie reached over and silently pressed the appropriate buttons for him. “Oh. Thank you Gertie.” He looked at the others again.

“Hey will you guys watch me do the scan in med?” Perry asked, doing a small stretch. All around the room were small noises of affirmation as the screen turned black for a moment.  **_“NO ONE WAS EJECTED (skipped)” “1 IMPOSTOR REMAINING”_ **

Hamilton, Della, Tragg, and Drake followed Perry, and watched as he did the scanning task. Hamilton noticed that he had another task to do in med bay, so after watching Perry scan, he went and pressed the start button on the task. As soon as he did,  **_“DEAD BODY REPORTED”_ ** Hamilton looked up.  **_“DISCUSS”_ **

“Okay. Paul, where did you find Della’s body?” Tragg asked.

“He was in security. The only person I saw nearby was  _ you _ Arthur. You walked right past me  _ away _ from her body.” Drake pointed dramatically, jumping to a sitting position. Before resuming his lounging.

“Burger was in med with me the whole time. So we’re both innocent.” Mason interjected. Hamilton started thinking. If he and Mason were both innocent who was it? Tragg, or Drake?

“Tragg, what were you doing at the time of the report?” Hamilton asked. Getting out a notepad, then realizing that it was unnecessary and putting it away.

“I was just about to go to the upper engine. I saw the first part of Perry’s scan, and went to do the fill engine task. With the speed set this high, it was only going to take a few seconds.” Tragg explained.

“And Paul, what were you doing?” Mason asked.

“Perry. Don’t tell me you’re ganging up with Hammy on this one!” Paul fell back dramatically again. “I was going to check the cameras in security.” Mason turned to Hamilton.

“What do you think Burger? Tragg, or Drake?” Mason raised an eyebrow.

“I’m not sure. We’re working with little evidence. This is all word of mouth. They could both be lying for all I know. What do you think?” Hamilton asked with a shrug.

“I think, that unless we get it right this time, we lose.” Mason said, looking between the two suspects. “Was it a self-report? Or was it a run, and hope nobody notices?”

“What does your gut say Perry?" Hamilton had never played the game before, he really was clueless. He was used to working a case that had  _ evidence _ and  _ proof of guilt.  _ This was a complete 180 from that. 

"I think it's Paul." Mason gave Drake a dirty look, and raised one eyebrow as if in challenge. “I told you I could make it most of a game without blaming you Paul.” Hamilton almost expected Mason to stick out his tongue, luckily, he just gave Drake another look.

“You think it’s Drake?” Of all the people, Hamilton wasn’t expecting Mason to blame his closest friend.

“It’s always Drake, Burger. Always. I can never seem to catch him, but I know that it’s him.” Mason gave another dirty look to his friend.

“Are you sure Perry? Absolutely sure?” Drake grinned wildly and lounged back again, seeming to enjoy Perry’s frustration.

“I’m sure Paul. I know it’s you. I know it.” Perry glared at his friend again. “Somehow, it’s always you.”

“So you want to vote out Drake then?” Hamilton asked, looking between the three other men, and looking at the two women as they communicated through the ghost chats.

“Yes.” Tragg and Mason answered at the same time. Hamilton clicked the little green avatar, and voted to eject him.


	2. The Impostor Revealed!

Paul’s avatar floated across the screen revealing the words; **_“PaulDrkePI was The Impostor”._ ** The screen flashed dark, then showed all the little avatars, **_“VICTORY”_**. Hamilton looked around the room again, waiting for the chaos that would likely ensue for the next couple minutes.

“ _Perry_!” Paul sat up straight, and gave Mason a hurt look. “I can’t _believe_ you knew it was me! You had _no_ proof! I’m hurt!” Drake then fell all the way back down onto the futon again in a fit of drama.

“I _told_ you Paul. It’s somehow _always_ you!” Mason sat up straighter in his chair. “Besides, I told you that I’d get you _eventually_.” Drake muttered something about a lucky guess.

“Why does it _always_ take so long for all of you to find my _body_?!” Gertie exclaimed from beside Hamilton. “I _always_ find you guys straight away, but _no_. Gertie isn’t any big deal! Let’s not worry about the fact that she’s not showing up at any tasks!”

“Gertie. You know we care. It can be hard to keep track of everyone, please try to calm down a little bit.” Della placated. Gertie steamed silently after that.

Hamilton was surprised by the outburst to say the least, although no one else seemed even slightly put off by it, as if this were normal behavior.

  
  


“Okay, are we all ready to start a new game?” Drake looked around the room, and waited impatiently for the go ahead.

“Hold on Paul. Let me change my hat.” Mason said, and Hamilton looked back at his phone to see that Mason’s avatar now had a bird's nest on it’s head. “Alright Paul. I’m ready.”

The countdown appeared on the screen. **_“5..........4..........3..........2..........1”_ **

  
  
  


**_“SHHH”_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think there'll be at least one more chapter to this weird little fic. Lemme know what you think of it. :)

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't decide on an ending...so for now, it's just left with this "cliffhanger". If you have any ideas comment below, maybe I'll make a second chapter...we'll see.


End file.
